Research indicates that the life span of “in love” or the obsession we feel towards someone is 2 years. We know emotions change, and obsessions fade over time. Thus, couples need a more substantial foundation than just mere obsession.

The first stage is “in love” where no one is working at the relationship – it just comes naturally. We are willing – even eager – to make all kinds of sacrifices for that person. The second stage of romantic love is more intentional than the first stage and requires truly learning your partner’s LOVE LANGUAGE.

Most of us are more like our parents than we realize (or care to admit). Specifically, we tend to repeat communication patterns that we heard growing up, particularly the communication between our parents. Dr. Chapman speaks to the importance of recognizing these positive and negative tendencies, and that we must find our own voice accordingly.

We must understand and accept the reality that we will have conflicts and these conflicts are not an outward sign that you should not have married this person. It is when we stop listening that disagreements become arguments. Dr. Chapman explains that sometimes compromise might look like “meeting in the middle,” “meeting on your side,” or “meeting later.”

Apologizing is one of the fundamentals to a healthy marriage. Couples often miss what each other needs when it comes to apology and forgiveness. We need to learn our partner’s APOLOGY LANGUAGE, and tailor our apology to our partner to ensure that our apology is received sincerely.

Dr. Chapman discusses the importance of recognizing that forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. Forgiving your partner does not destroy our memory, remove all consequences or rebuild trust. However, it does offer the possibility of reconciliation and moving forward.

Will you hire Merry Maids? Will you take turns unloading the dishwasher (and reloading the inevitable pile of dirty dishes stacked up in the sink)? It seems so silly, yet setting these expectations and exploring where the expectations come from can save you many conversations down the road.

Is it our money or your money? Is it our debt or your debt? Who keeps the books? Who pays the bills? How much do we spend, save and give? Many people feel uncomfortable talking about money, but it’s critical for couples to have open and honest conversations about finances.

Dr. Chapman explores the ways in which expectations can greatly vary between partners and the importance of having these conversations and what “sexual fulfillment” means for your partner. This is another area where couples find it easier to just not talk about it, but do each other a favor and ask what sexual fulfillment means to them. More than likely, you’ll be glad you did.

“Are we going to be at your parents for Christmas or mine?” How many times do we find ourselves in these types of conversations? Establish expectations early and remind each that we are coming from a place of empathy. And there is nothing wrong with negotiating.

Many couples do not discuss religion or spiritually at all before entering into a marriage. Yet, many consider themselves religious and say that their faith is important to them. Therefore, it is so important to explore what religion and faith means to you personally, as well as your partner.

Is the glass half full or half empty? Optimistic vs. pessimistic, neat vs. messy, logical vs. intuitive. These are all personality traits and behaviors that define who we are and as a result, we bring to the relationship. Recognizing these traits in ourselves and our partner is key.